The Elephant in the Room

HEY, I know this is the internet, so maybe you’re not aware of what exactly my chest looks like, but let me just tell you that it’s not small. Earlier this week, I stumbled on the below post, which perfectly sums up what it’s like to be a woman with larger breasts. Women (and men!), take note…

————Originally posted on Literally, Darling by Katie and Kirstie————————

If you’ve got C-cup or larger-sized breasts, chances are it feels like you permanently have a toddler attached to your body, and like most demanding children, they dominate your whole life. Oh yeah, you can fill out a sweater like it’s nobody’s business, and you certainly get male eyes on you, but with your giant ta-tas comes a life of watching your boobs pop out of bras, shirts, and dresses like they’re rampaging bulls on the streets of Pamplona.

And if you think breasts don’t have a mind of their own, well, honey, we really have to beg to differ. Remember when you were 12 and growing mosquito bites for the first time and were so absurdly proud of yourself? Well for some of us, we went from throwing water balloons at the boys to sporting them on our chests in a little over a summer. Yeah, while guys were having shin splints from growing too tall, too fast, the big-titty-committee exploded stretch marks over bean-bag boobs that hurt if you even looked at them. I went from a training bra to a C-cup at the age of 12, and a D by my 13th birthday. It’s no wonder I was mistaken for an 18-year-old since no one was bothering to look at my face.

Fast forward through middle school and high school, where many of the less-endowed girls were all glaring daggers at you and often not-so-quietly calling you slutty and dumb behind your back, because you know, there’s apparently a complex algorithm in which the bigger cup size correlates directly to the amount you spread your legs and your level of intelligence. Or so it seemed. Meanwhile, we’re left trying to figure out how to find prom dresses that don’t make us look like porn stars, button-downs that don’t pop buttons so fast they take your eye out, and attempting to get guys to look above your chin when they talk to you.

As girls with huge boobs, we are often told by friends and family to “Stop complaining. I only WISH I had boobs like yours.” Jokes aside, there are a lot of drawbacks. Amidst the obvious clothing issues and drooling stares, there is also back pain, posture issues, hindrances when it comes to running and working out, and postpartum inflation/stretching that we’ve heard only makes the situation worse. Feeling sexy with boobs so heavy they really don’t look great without a bra is a feat. I know what you’re thinking—all men love boobs, right? Well, maybe. But with a naturally large chest it can be hard to feel good naked since your comfort in cleavage is stripped away when the bra comes off. Celebrities and porn stars post-plastic surgery have created the illusion that big boobs are perfectly round and stand up on their own. Wearing a backless dress is not a problem, because gravity doesn’t exist and nipples are perfectly even. Not true. Even at a young age, the giant girls sag from the sheer weight and flip-flop about in pretty much the least sexy way possible. Not a great visual, right? We can only fear for how Left & Right will look 20 years from now.

So the next time you think us ladies who have been blessed (or cursed) with G-cup breasts need to realize how lucky we are, remember that we are just as insecure with ourselves as women who only need a camisole. We carry our own (very heavy) insecurities every day too. Like everyone else, we learn how to cope with our own body image issues. You either hide behind giant clothing and pretend your breasts aren’t the first thing anyone sees, or you learn to break the ice, make the first joke, and just acknowledge the elephant(s) in the room. Because if you don’t, someone else will.

Top Ten Big Boob Problems:

1. Under boob sweat

2. Your bras being mistaken for ass-holders and/or hats

3. Budgeting to afford a bra that actually fits

4. Finding the right specialty bra shop with a correctly trained fitter you actually trust, or at the very least just finding a store that actually carries your size

5. Packing a larger suitcase to fit your bras into

6. Figuring out ways to get your insurance to pay for a breast reduction

7. Demi-cup overspill

8. Shopping for clothes based on whether or not you can wear a bra with them

9. Wondering if a guy is actually looking at you or only interested in your chest

10. How not to look crazy while holding your boobs to avoid black eyes during a run

————————————————————————————————————————–

Unfortunately numbers 1, 3, 4, 7, 8 and 9 sum up my life…

Can you relate? Let me know in the comments!

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